I distinctively remember first hearing the song ‘Vienna’ by Billy Joel in the film 13 going on 30. I was 10 when the film came out, and this song keeps coming up in my life. Later on, I think I was about 16 or 17, and I was going through my second or third major depressive episode, and Vienna was such a comfort. At that point I wasn’t making art at all, I played the piano as my catharsis. This was before I even realised I had mental health issues, which seems strange looking back now as it seems so obvious!

At that time I was just figuring out how to play songs by listening to them over and over again. I remember having my crappy laptop on top of the piano and I just replayed Vienna bar by bar, until I had it figured out. If you’ve ever played this one on the piano, it has so much feeling. It felt like the only way I could release all the angst I was feeling. I always felt heard when I played it, at a time when I was largely misunderstood by the world around me.

Nowadays, as a neurodivergent artist, I struggle to play the piano anymore. It has so much pain wrapped up in it that it’s not a positive experience. But I still get so much from listening to Billy Joel play this song.

These paintings are full of feeling, and experimentation, and I love that I painted them on the theme of this song. My connection to it now feels more like I can look back on that part of my life, instead of being trapped in it for so long. So despite the complicated relationship I have with this song, these two paintings are nothing but JOY for me.